Walter's Visit to the UAE

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Yes, there are ghosts in the UAE

I don't know why I would doubt it, but there are ghosts here.

I went to the gym in the hotel for a run yesterday morning. It was 5:35AM and only one other soul was in the gym, at a bike across the room. As I was looking out into the room, a mist of white smoke appeared in the center of the room. I was like, "Who the HELL is smoking in a GYM!". These people over here smoke. I could totally see some bodybuilder doing squats with a cigarette hanging out of their mouth, or working a tricep while holding a cigarette with the other arm. Got the visual now?

Well anyway, this smoke just appeared. I watched it, and it stayed in form as it traversed half the way across the room, where it disappered.

After I finally figured it out, I was like WOW! I just saw an apparition!!! I went back this morning and looked, but nada. Maybe if I get to the gym first and I'm the only one there I'll try and piss the spirit off so it shows itself. I don't really awnt to try that as I'm running on the treadmill. I can just see some pissed off Middle Eastern spirit kick me in the ass while I'm in mid-stride causing me to go ass over teakettle into the middle of the room.

Spirits can be a bitch!

Monday, November 27, 2006

I'm BAAACCCKKKK!!!

After a nice, quiet Thanksgiving, I was ripped outta my home and sent halfway across the world again. Yes, I'm back in the UAE. *sigh*

My trip here this time was BORING. Can you believe it? I flew American Airlines and British Air from Portland to Chicago, Chicago to London, and London to Abu Dhabi. It was BORING! Trust me, after the crap that I went through when I came here on NorthWest/KLM in April, I *WANTED* boring!

It's like the captain on the BA flight was even reading my mind. My first post about the NorthWest flight where the captain was going ON and ON about mountains he climbed as a child, etc, must have resonated with pilots everywhere. After we got settled in, the pilot came on and said he was going to talk to us on takeoff, then "not bore us with any details" until we were about to land in the UAE. SWEET!

I'm working on my "Top ten reasons you'll know you're in the UAE" in my head - I've gotta get that published here...

Friday, April 21, 2006

What's with the bad international travel mojo?!?!

Okay, so I'm home. Finally.

It was supposed to be an uneventful trip home, but you know how my trip to the UAE went, so why not have some "fun" on the way home, eh? Throw a little wrench here and there...

So I got to the airport 3.5 hours early, got through airport security (there's airport security, and then there's flight security - two distinct stops). I found the counter and stood behind a gentleman, waiting for my turn. He turns around and looks at me, then draws his finger across his throat, looking a bet menacing. Not deterrred (hell, I'd been around men with machine guns all week - what's a finger across the throat going to do!?!?), I asked him just what in the hell THAT was supposed to men.

My flight from Abu Dhabi to Amsterdam had been cancelled.

FUN! Well, actually, I think I used the four letter word that also starts with "FU", but I digress. Anyway, all other flights to major connecting poings throughout Europe and the Middle East were sold out. There were a few seats on a flight to Geneva, but nothing guaranteed - the woman behind the counter told everyone to go back "home" whether it was a hotel or your home. I wasn't budging.

So they got me on the flight to Geneva with three more connections (none of them except the last would be from my original itinerary). So we get on the plane in Abu Dhabi and sit. And sit. And sit. The captain comes on and finally tells us that there was something wrong with the brakes (!!!!) and they think they fixed it, so we left almost an hour late. We were instructed to check in with KLM when we got to Geneva, since we'd gotten transferred to Etihad Airways. We did, and stood in line while ONE person helped the 40 of us on the flight. After 20 minutes, they brought a second person to help. Of course I was 5th in that line, but the first person in the line took 30 minutes to help! By the time I got to the head of the line, all but about 8 people had been helped, and I got booted to the OTHER line, because I was going to the US. Of course she didn't say anything like that when forming the lines - she didn't know how to do the intercontinental transfers since everyone else in her line was staying on the European continent. Good thing is A) I got to the head of that second line and B) once I got my ticket, I had 3 minutes to get upstairs, through security, and on the plane. I made it! Though there were those 8 other people behind me for this flight, only one more made it on.

So we get to Amsterdam - and by this time, I'd not had a shower or even brushed my teeth in 24 hours. I wanted a shower! But before I was going to do it, I wanted to check in for my other flights and get my boarding pass (since they couldn't do it AND get me on the flight in Geneva). Easy, right? Oh hells no - not on this trip! So I had 90 minutes before boarding - and spent all of that time trying to get a boarding pass. See, because of all the airline transfers, itinerary changes, cancellations, goat sacrifices, and just my own travel mojo at the moment, they couldn't get me a boarding pass. Four people were working on it. They could access the records, but couldn't get me on the flight. Finally, as boarding had started, they called some muckitymuck and got approval to hand write a boarding pass to get me on the flight. Do you know how that looks? An unshowered, unshaven, slightly stinky man with airplane hair that had just come from a Middle Eastern country (via Geneva) showing up with a hand written boarding pass? Well first I had to get through the passport check, and the guy's first comments were, "Um, did you hand write this yourself?". I know he was serious, but I had to laugh at just how sad the situation had become.

So after questioning me thoroughly for about 10 minutes (everyone else got through with the cursory 30 second version), he had to get his supervisor's approval, at which time I was looked over and questioned again. They finally let me through, and then the BOARDING agent was like, "Um, did you hand write this yourself or what?". I told her to call the change desk, that it was valid.

Now granted there were people behind me, and I knew this was going to happen. I told the people behind me to brace themselves, there'd be some serious beaurocratic hot air released when they saw my ticket, and of course we'd be delayed from entering the boarding area. I was right - and glad that I warned them! It took 5 people and one phone call to okay me through the gate security, and I got on the plane. And collapsed.

So we get in the air, and start to level off. I know the guy beside me probably wanted to take his little foamy airplugs out of his ears and stick them in his nose, but he was nice and didn't. When levelled off at cruising altitude (for the 9 hour flight back to the States), I got up and made for the bathroom. Now, the Airbus A330-300 has some BIG bathrooms (read: you could have SEVERAL people all make the mile high club all at once) and for that, I was grateful. I walked in, stripped, and got to cleaning. You can't take a shower, but you can at least wash up pretty good. And smart me, I'd taken an entire change of clothes (except the pants I was wearing) and after cleaning up, washing my face, brushing my teeth, and feeling somewhat human, I felt mostly human again. My hair was still a little icky, but that'd have to do. I went back to my seat and sat down, quite more refreshed. I spent the 9 hours watching movies on my iPod (thank goodness for the electrical outlets on the plane!), not sleeping a wink.

I stumbled off the plane in Minneapolis and showed up in customs, where I was questioned as to what exactly I was doing in the Middle East, with whom, etc, etc. I guess when you go to an unstable region, the government wants to know exactly why... So I got through that, and picked up my luggage -- which made it! I was quite surprised! I turned my luggage back in to the internal luggage drop, went through more security, and got to my gate. Remember, I had a hand written boarding pass in Amsterdam? Well they couldn't get me one for my Portland, flight, so I was to ask for one in Minneapolis. But once I showed up at the gate, they were like 'How did you get here without one?!' All I had to say was look up my itinerary - and they understood. So they got me my boarding pass, and I looked at it and smiled. The woman who'd helped me in Amsterdam had, after I got on the plane, upgraded me to first class.

Man, was that flight nice. They flight crew was hilarious - I didn't want anything to eat or drink (except a little Diet Pepsi to keep me awake to make the transition from Abu Dhabi to Portland easier) and they were calling me the "high maintenance" passenger. They were good - we talked about the Middle East, I told them what to expect when visiting, etc. It was a good end to the day.

When we landed and pulled up to the gate in Portland, I almost wanted to kiss the ground. It was nice to be home finally!!!

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Oman, Day 2 pictures

CAMEL!
As we were driving back, closer to the UAE boarder, we got behind a truck carrying two camels. It was too funny. I tried to get the picture and as I was using the camera, I used the zoom lense. Now remember, I was driving - so I took my eyes off the road, looked through the lens and saw that camel up REAL close. I almost slammed on the brakes before I realized what I'd done.

This is now the desktop wallpaper on my computer.

Oman, Day 2 pictures



These are just two of the *beautiful* things they've built inside the roundabouts found throughout Oman. The detail is wonderful. This may be on the outskirts of town, but the time and care they've put into it is just incredible.

Oman, Day 2 pictures






This is the boater that took us out on Qantab Beach (next to the dive center) and some shots out on the water. And the obligatory "gag" shot - I caught Sandra eating a hot dog. Chicken dog, of course - not pig - not in this part of the world!

Oman, Day 2 pictures







This is the Dive Center at Qantab Beach. The water is gorgeous and the hotel is cheap at US$150 per night during the HIGH season!

Oman, Day 2 pictures





This is the fort behind the palace. It's gorgeous.

Oman, Day 2 pictures




This is the Palace in Muscat. It's where the big guy lives. :) There's a fort right behind it and also on the other side, between the palace and the Gulf of Oman.

Oman, Day 2 pictures



All of these are tourets (sp?) that are actually still in use - at least some of them - for defense.

Oman, Day 2 pictures




All of these are tourets (sp?) that are actually still in use - at least some of them - for defense.

Oman, Day 2 pictures



Look at these. These are HOUSES. Yes, houses. These are the size of a mall in the United States! These are the places that advertise 17 bedrooms - and that doesn't include the bedrooms for the servants!!!! These were across from our hotel in Oman.

Monday, April 17, 2006

Oman, Day 2 pictures





This is all down at the beach.... The sand is *SO* soft! It's really the softest sand I've been on at a beach. Beats out Hawaii, Savannah Beach, Mobile's beaches, and even Puerto Rico!

Oman, Day 2 pictures




This is walking around the hotel grounds, before we went down to the beach.

Oman, Day 2 pictures




Since I'm not going to get to writing up a whole visit, I'll just post the pictures with little blurbs.

These pics were taken at the hotel, the Crown Plaza. It overlooks the beach, as you can tell! Sandra fell in love with the lanters, until she found out they were from China. I think I saw them at Cost Plus last time we were there! :)

Sunday, April 16, 2006

Post under "Why do I do this to myself"

Oh Lord....

Well first off, I must have some blind faith A) being a pedestrian in this city and B) being a person who takes taxis in this city. You all know me - do I have a death wish that I don't know about? Do I have this sign that says, "Please - take your 2000lb car and ram it into others repeatedly so that my insides get all jostled about!" or "I *like* to jump out in front of cars from the safety of my sidewalk ledge!"

Today was the two worst cab rides EVER. First off, there was the ride into work. It wasn't bad, in so much that it was FAST. Now granted I'm about 5 miles from the office, so it will take just 10 minutes maximum. This morning, when we hit the straightaway, you'd think that the guy was shot out of a rocket. We were doing 100kph in a 60 zone. Now that doesn't sound that bad, right? Well think of doing 100kph, with DOZENS of cars all around you, jockying for the same lane! You remember the scene in "Jumping Jack Flash" where Whoopie is being carried around New York in a telephone booth? That would have been safer - but the effect was the same. I was squished up against the glass worst than kielbasa in a grocery display. But we made it there in record time! Curious thing is, it actually cost UAE50cents more than usual. Maybe we *were* airborn for a few seconds, and those tires spun through an extra couple of kilometers. All I know is, I got funny looks from the Phillipine Embassy guards when I stood outside Cerner's office, contemplating kissing the ground.

On the way home, it wasn't the speed that got to me. It was all of the Arabic curse words that I *KNEW* that I was missing! You get in his lane? He yells at you. You change lanes? He yells at you. You pull up next to him? He yells at you AND makes vulgar hand signals. I'm telling you - if you're in the UAE and you step into the cab of Mohammad Ali Hussein Ali, just walk away. He'll probably take off with part of you still stuck inside the door, so you're going to have to seriously consider self-amputation to be able to walk, crawl, or pull yourself away with as much of yourself intact as possible. But it'll be worth it. You know, like that guy who got his arm stuck under a boulder in Utah and ended up having to cut it off? Yeah - like that. Save yourself!

I had a *really* sad dinner tonight. I've been eating Indian and Arabian food for days and days now, and I wasn't sick of it, but felt like maybe I should try something else. BIG mistake. I mean, if you're in China, you don't suddenly go, "I really could go for some lutefisk right now!" and go find the nearest Norweigan restaurant, do you? No. And for good reason.

See, this wild hair up my ass somehow led me down 6 blocks to a mall, where I found a Chinese restaurant, a Western/California restaurant, and an Italian one. I chose the Italian one. Now granted, the waitstaff was tipping me off the whole time - "You're a veg? We don't have much for you", etc, etc. But did I take the hint? Oh hells no. I'm as clueless as they come, apparently. So I'm like, "Um, I'll have the fettucini alfredo". Okay - so WTF can they do to alfredo sauce, eh? And pasta? You just boil it and you're done.

*sigh* I'm sorry, thanks for playing - please grab an airsick bag on your way to your seat!

So first off, this crap is hot. I mean, HOT. They put it in a container, put the container in a bag, and double over the baggie so it's a little separated. It still managed to take off the outer layer of skin on both hands. If it's hot, it MUST be good, right?

*urp*

So I'm in the hotel room, sit it down, and find that the maid has done a "seek and destroy" mission looking for my fork. It's a rogue fork, stolen from the restaurant. And at the rate that I keep having to hide them, and they keep looking and finding them, you'd think they were solid gold or something. So I wind my way upstairs and find another fork. I'm not taking one from the restaurant anymore - they have homing devices implanted in them. This one's from the concierge lounge - let's see if the concierge comes knocking on my door.

ANYWAY *urp* So the total elapsed time is like 30 minutes from the time the skin is initially taken off my hands until I return with my fork. And the freakin' container is STILL too hot. I think they're using excess oil to make like a little gas burning oven in the takeaway containers. Anyway, so I sit down and take a bite.

You know what hummous tastes like, right? And you know what alfredo sauce tastes like, right? Okay - this was NOTHING like alfredo sauce. Now think of hummous again, but really really thinned out. And add in a little Crest toothpaste, just for that minty fresh feeling. That's the alfredo sauce they were using.

What the hells wrong with me? And where the hell are my pepto bismol tablets? I hope I can sleep this off...

Random thoughts until I post "Oman, Day 2"

I know I've been here way too long! I was in the cab on the ride to the hotel yesterday, when I saw the following:




And I immediately translate into my head: 63359. Ouch! I was like "What the hell did I just do?". I think it's an avoidance technique. Remember what I said about cab drivers here? Well in the last two days, it's been particularly INTERESTING driving to and from work. Accident, schmaccident.... Anyway, so I must be studying Arabic without realizing it. I'm understanding WAY too much for just being here just over a week!

Second oddity: Downstairs just now, we were getting lunch provided, since we're having client meetings. I asked about the rice, if it was veg or non-veg. The caterer asked, "Are you Christian?" Of course I blurted out, "No, I'm vegetarian". She looked at me as if I had two heads. Then I realized she was asking because of the Muslim tradition of animal slaughter, etc. WEIRD!

Saturday, April 15, 2006

Thursday's Travel Pictures 3





Around the Souq at night, and along the water with the beautiful ornate domes where people can rest while walking.

Thursday's Travel Pictures 2

The carpet and fabric shop at the Souq, where I got the rugs - and the rugs are at the bottom.